What are You Telling Me?

On three separate occasions last week, I was asked, “What is your gut telling you to do?” My initial response was to deny I knew the answer because my gut feeling could not guide me when the data contradicted my intuition. When making important decisions, my preference is to get all the facts, so I can make a more informed decision. Last week, I read an article on Harvard Business Review, Learn to Trust Your Gut and the author Ron Ashkenas said something that resonated with me:

“When trusting your instincts, often you’ll make the right choice, and at other times you won’t. But if you keep at it, you’ll learn to more accurately read your internal compass and come up with effective means to act on it. But if you don’t empower yourself to do this, who will?

When facing an important decision, I now realized I have not easily trusted my gut, and other times not at all.

Then

Several years ago, I knew I was ready for more responsibility. I was patient and not only waited for the next opportunity, but also volunteered for additional assignments consistently in order to demonstrate my capabilities to my manager and other leaders. During a weekly check-in meeting with my manager, I inquired about next steps for my career growth, and he told me that he did not think I was ready for more responsibilities, that included leading the global engagement project and “officially” manage the daily operations for our small team. By this time, I had successfully led four regional projects and had three of my ideas for our regional people strategy included in the regional strategy. While in this role, I noticed the strategic component, I tried to master through a mentor program began to solidify into results. This took me years to achieve, and I was finally on the right track. No, I had not mastered this skill, but I knew that I was on the right track. I respected this leader for his business acumen and expertise in areas such as, Change Management and Talent Management. Could he be wrong? At the time, I accepted his assessment, although my ideas were the ones implemented, and that I did the work that he presented to senior leadership.

My gut told me I could look for another opportunity, even if he may not offer the support I needed. However, I did nothing, despite feeling disappointed, angry, and frustrated beyond belief. My rationalization was brilliant, but in retrospect, it was fear. For me, fear motivated me to achieve more, and in cases like this one, fear caused me to hit the pause button for a year.

Although I respected my manager, I knew that the implementation of MY ideas was evidence I had what it takes to get to the next level. This did not mean I no longer needed further development, but I didn’t believe in myself enough to challenge his view in a professional and respectful way. I get it, sometimes it is difficult to do this without appearing as defensive and unwilling to accept feedback.

This was a long and difficult year. I was professional and tried to be the most mature adult I could, but the first thirty days was gut wrenching. My self-esteem was at an all-time low as a result of this. Not only did I put in long hours to produce more work than my full-time work schedule permitted, but I did the work that nobody wanted, but was needed. Where the heck did that get me? Years later, I understand that this was not my self-esteem that was bruised, but my ego. That experience taught me that no matter what feedback I receive, it is up to me to choose how it is applied and affects me. Have you ever had a time when conflicting feedback was given my people you respected and admired? I’ll never be perfect, but that long and difficult year taught me not to let feedback define who I am nor my self-worth. You see; I did not listen to my gut.

A year later, I left the company because nothing changed for me. My ideas were still implemented, but that was not enough. My gut told me nothing would change, but I squashed my intuition for nine months. Once I gave myself more time to “assess” my situation, I realized I know my capabilities and limitations. Even though I respected my manager and others, I needed to take the leap of faith, and believe in myself. My next position, which had the responsibilities I sought a year prior, was a pivotal role in my career trajectory.

Now

Since that time, I’ve had to make decisions that will impact my professional and personal life and like many, I want to make the right choice. Guess what? I am not perfect, and it is unrealistic for me to expect it. What I’ve learned is that with each experience, there is an opportunity to build confidence, show insecurities, or grow from my failures. There are successful business leaders I admire, such as Oprah Winfrey and Steve Jobs. Each had failures in their lives, but that did not stop them.

I, too, get scared, but never enough to stop me. Whenever I reflect on the time my manager and I disagreed about my readiness for more responsibility, it reminds me to accept the feedback, and make sure I am hitting the pause button for the right reason. Take the next step once ready and question the reasons for any hesitation. Upon completion, confer with the gut.

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